5. You can easily gain five pounds in five days at an all-inclusive resort.

4. You can actually grow tired of piña coladas when they are brought to you every ten minutes.

3.  Champagne does not go well with Mexican food.  In an attempt to have a glass of champagne with every meal “because I can!,” I realized that champagne did not taste good with chicken fajitas, beef fajitas, or guacamole. Or piña coladas for that matter.

2. When a 70-year-old woman is sunbathing topless on the beach, it’s ‘honest,’ ‘beautiful,’ and ‘European.’  But when an 18-year-old with large breasts is sunbathing topless near your husband, she is just a whore.

1. The sounds of the beach can relax the whole body. I felt relaxed and serene even as I read novels about religious war, death, failed marriages, and the Great Depression.  Even those dire topics couldn’t make me tense up when the ocean waves were rolling back and forth, back and forth, back and forth …

More pictures forthcoming.