This post is inspired by Lacy’s retail-experience blog post. 

In high school, I waited tables at an OU/OSU museum/restaurant in north Oklahoma City.  Owned by a southern Baptist, this sports bar and grill didn’t serve alcohol on religious principles.  People would ask “what’s on tap?” and I’d say “Root Beer” to be funny.  Never got a laugh.

So, if you wanted to go to this restaurant to watch the big game … you’d have to settle for iced tea.  At least we had good iced tea.  The restaurant went out of business and became a car dealership and then a church.  I bet you are not surprised.

Here are the 10 things I learned waiting tables.

1. Time management. When you have four tables in non-smoking and two tables in the smoking section (far away) and you have five of the six orders come up all at once and need to get them to the five tables before they turn cold but oh wait you forgot ketchup and this order wasn’t supposed to have onions and did I forget to get that one kid a Big Red? Without this experience, I would have never made it in PR agency life.

2. Comfortable shoes are the key.

3. Don’t piss off the cook – he has the power.

4. That grizzled woman who has waited tables her whole life doesn’t want to hear that you are waiting tables over the summer to “save money for college.” She will threaten to beat the s^&t out of you.

5. You won’t have anything in common with your coworkers.  I have an example:

The goal of many waiters: After closing, make your tip money go so far at the bar that you get a DUI and spend the next day in jail, making your one phone call to the restaurant, saying you can’t make it to work. That way “you get a free day off – but you won’t get fired because it is a legitimate reason.” The fact that you are sitting in jail? Didn’t seem to phase you. You got out of work without getting fired, y’all!

6. Kids + French fries = messy

7. Business men at lunch, the elderly, and angry parents with fry-throwing kids don’t tip well. You want the tables with “ladies who lunch,” your own parents, or calm families.

8. I don’t look good dressed as a man in a tie, denim button-down shirt, khaki pants, and apron.

9. Sunday lunch is your enemy. Nothing takes away the calm presence of Sunday morning’s church service more than a packed family restaurant filled with tables seating no less than 10 people each, most of whom order the 12 oz steak (well done) and tell you they are “in a hurry.”

10. Humility. People will yell at you over fries. At first, you want to talk to them about the big picture, but after a while you just get them the new fries and smile. I loved big brother.